Dangerous Politics

I'm giving up on an argument I'm having with some dudes. This past week, our Vice President appeared on The View, and it seems to have shaken some people up. His Violence Against Women Act is getting severely criticized by some men's groups. The act doesn't include anything about violence against men, and that has become an issue.

Violence against men is going to be tricky to prosecute. There are laws in place, and officials in place that have been unfair to men in some cases. In fact, in all of the abuse cases I have read, the law has been hugely unfair. But creating new legislation is going to be hard. Here are some reasons why:

1. Abuse against men is not cultural. It is not common. It is aberrant behavior that comes up in certain situations. It is not a thing we can yet pin down as being common within any one age group, any one community. 
2. The laws developed after a long struggle. The Women's Movement is still fighting upstream for the legislation that can protect them. If the Men's Movement wants to get equal protection, then it will have to fight its own battle. It won't be able to jump onto existing legislation. It has to be its own issue. 
3. The Men's Movement needs organization and leadership. And it needs a clear message. If the public detects one mote of anti-feminist or misogynist thought within the mission, it will never gain traction. 

I believe that legislation could be enacted upon the following:

1. Men are often falsely accused of abuse in divorce cases. It seems that a mere accusation can trigger an investigation. If the penalties for falsely accusing a spouse were tougher, then this might help. HOWEVER, if a law were to come about requiring a woman to show evidence of her abuse, or even rape, before making these accusations, then we won't be able to get anywhere.  Men need a kind of protection against these allegations, but it cannot be so binding that it lets ritual abusers go free, just because their partner does not have sufficient evidence. It's tricky!
2. When domestic violence is reported, the male is often arrested, no matter if he shows physical evidence or not. If police were to delay the arrest until they see cause, then both partners could be brought in for questioning, and no one would be arrested until a consensus could be reached by a team of caseworkers, police, etc. When the charges are wrongly levied upon a man, he has to fight it to the bitter end. 
3. Lawyers need to be overseen by law enforcement when a criminal accusation is made. The attorney needs to be held accountable if their client has made false statements. 

I'm not an attorney, so I'm kind of shooting in the dark, but this is all in response to frequent things I've read.

I discovered my own flexibility when it comes to the politics of abuse. I don't see any political party that is dealing with domestic abuse against men. So to villify feminists or their allies, that's a complete and utter waste of time. It's the wrong fight. Lawmakers on either side of the aisle need to be aware of the issues. I answer the complaints against Biden with a call to publicly share abuse stories. Get it out in the public dialogue. I believe that other anti-abuse groups have used this strategy, very successfully. Put a human face on it. I know the changes that came over me when I first read these stories. The same will happen to many people.

Get Organized

Today I was delighted to see dozens of messages on abused-men's message boards about getting organized, and protesting the unfair treatment of men in the legal system. Yes, men are mistreated by the courts in divorce and domestic violence committed against them. It's an outrage.

But any movement needs to start with leadership. I believe that it's out there. One Yahoo! group has 921 members as of today. That's a movement right there. And there is passion there.

But passion is only one ingredient. An anti-abuse movement will also need a sharp message. I don't believe that any equality can be reached through bashing of either gender. Men's groups that support their members might be more successful than groups formed to knock feminists off of a high-horse.

I have encountered militant feminists before. Separatists who believe that men are not necessary. They openly disregard the entire male gender. I had a women's studies professor who was really off base. I consulted with another friend who taught the same subject, and told her that I had suffered unfair treatment in the class. Which I did. My friend introduced me, at age 19, to a new concept: The New Oppressor.

She said that by forming anti-male ideals, this professor was essentially becoming the New Oppressor. Anyone who is taking up the gender-bashing approach is missing the point. There are always certain individuals who spoil the broth and cloud the issues. A masculist movement will struggle to be heard.

The thing is, we have to figure out what we're fighting for here. We are fighting against abuse. Not against women. Here is where the Women's Movement and the Men's Movement can come together. No one wants to be abused.

Women who commit abuse are not heroic. They are sometimes painted as such. They are justified, it might seem, because they are fighting against a male-dominated culture. But no one should be immune to the law. Assault is illegal. And men are often accused of abuse when they themselves are the ones who have been abused. It is unfair. It is unjust. That is what we are fighting against.

Our enemy then, it would seem, would be the lawmakers, who are predominantly men. We really aren't up against an army of women. The Women's Movement is fighting other battles. Equality. Equal rights. Equal pay. Justice for the abuse that they themselves have suffered. The only equivalent force here is the Women's Anti-Abuse Movement, and surely we can all agree that abuse is wrong.

So it's not really women that anyone is up against. You might be fighting one in court. And that's just one individual. The law is making it hard. And that is what you are up against. So my overall point is that the men's movement, if it hopes to get off the ground, needs to sharpen its message and stop the woman-bashing. There is no feminocracy, or vaginocracy, as one person calls it. Not as long as the inequalities run rampant in the workplace, the military, etc. Feminism has big fish to fry. The male-bashing type of feminists are a force to be reckoned with, for certain. Their anger is fierce, and understandably so. A misogynist has trouble gaining ground. He is in a minority, and he has enemies.

The male anti-abuse movement has no enemies. We seek to give men equal treatment under the law when they have been hurt. We have many people to educate. But we can't do it with hate and sexist remarks. We want to open the door to more communication. And the key is to tell our stories, put a human face on the problems, and get organized around common principles. Don't lose your passion. You will need it for the battle ahead. But focus it where it belongs.