Last Call

I'm happy to say we're nearing the end of the compiling phase of the project. We are continuing to seek submissions, but we are rounding out the collection. I know that this project will lead to more stories coming out, more guys coming forward. We're giving guys permission to speak out about being abused in their relationships.

This project has been an adventure for me, and a chance to meet a lot of new people. My role as editor has been to seek out stories from all over the world, and we have put together quite a stunning and provocative document on men who have been abused by women. When I began, I had no idea how common these situations are. I now understand more than I ever did about the issue, and I know our readers will too. It's eye-opening and mind-blowing. No one who reads this book will be able to look at the issue in the same way again.

The project has been received with open arms. Everyone I have spoken to has been very positive and supportive. I initially feared that this hot-button issue would polarize and inflame a lot of people. We don't believe that anyone should be abused. We aren't trying to diminish the efforts of the Women's Movement, which has worked hard to bring awareness to violence against women. We have our own battle to fight, and it's going to be an uphill battle, but it has to be fought diligently and sensibly.

Anti-abuse movements gain traction when the victims themselves tell their stories. This is a politically charged issue. But when the victim speaks out, everyone can agree. It's a grand injustice. Men are abused in many ways, and the legal system doesn't do enough to protect them. The stories are brutal and honest. Most men aren't given permission to be honest about what has happened to them. They are ridiculed for it. If the woman is retaliating against a man that has abused her, then I believe she is justified. If the man has been wrongfully abused by a woman, then he needs to speak up about it.

The book is designed to bring new awareness to the issue. We want the stories. The most powerful action men can take is to go public with their story, in a safe and effective format. We publish our stories anonymously, and everyone's information is kept confidential.

Dangerous Politics

I'm giving up on an argument I'm having with some dudes. This past week, our Vice President appeared on The View, and it seems to have shaken some people up. His Violence Against Women Act is getting severely criticized by some men's groups. The act doesn't include anything about violence against men, and that has become an issue.

Violence against men is going to be tricky to prosecute. There are laws in place, and officials in place that have been unfair to men in some cases. In fact, in all of the abuse cases I have read, the law has been hugely unfair. But creating new legislation is going to be hard. Here are some reasons why:

1. Abuse against men is not cultural. It is not common. It is aberrant behavior that comes up in certain situations. It is not a thing we can yet pin down as being common within any one age group, any one community. 
2. The laws developed after a long struggle. The Women's Movement is still fighting upstream for the legislation that can protect them. If the Men's Movement wants to get equal protection, then it will have to fight its own battle. It won't be able to jump onto existing legislation. It has to be its own issue. 
3. The Men's Movement needs organization and leadership. And it needs a clear message. If the public detects one mote of anti-feminist or misogynist thought within the mission, it will never gain traction. 

I believe that legislation could be enacted upon the following:

1. Men are often falsely accused of abuse in divorce cases. It seems that a mere accusation can trigger an investigation. If the penalties for falsely accusing a spouse were tougher, then this might help. HOWEVER, if a law were to come about requiring a woman to show evidence of her abuse, or even rape, before making these accusations, then we won't be able to get anywhere.  Men need a kind of protection against these allegations, but it cannot be so binding that it lets ritual abusers go free, just because their partner does not have sufficient evidence. It's tricky!
2. When domestic violence is reported, the male is often arrested, no matter if he shows physical evidence or not. If police were to delay the arrest until they see cause, then both partners could be brought in for questioning, and no one would be arrested until a consensus could be reached by a team of caseworkers, police, etc. When the charges are wrongly levied upon a man, he has to fight it to the bitter end. 
3. Lawyers need to be overseen by law enforcement when a criminal accusation is made. The attorney needs to be held accountable if their client has made false statements. 

I'm not an attorney, so I'm kind of shooting in the dark, but this is all in response to frequent things I've read.

I discovered my own flexibility when it comes to the politics of abuse. I don't see any political party that is dealing with domestic abuse against men. So to villify feminists or their allies, that's a complete and utter waste of time. It's the wrong fight. Lawmakers on either side of the aisle need to be aware of the issues. I answer the complaints against Biden with a call to publicly share abuse stories. Get it out in the public dialogue. I believe that other anti-abuse groups have used this strategy, very successfully. Put a human face on it. I know the changes that came over me when I first read these stories. The same will happen to many people.