Week One

I picked the wrong week to quit smoking. 
I applied for this job on craigslist. My boss is a brilliant and insightful therapist with a passion for the subject. The idea is to create a book for men in abusive relationships. The project began in 2006, and stories started pouring in. I spent my first week going through the archives and reading the stories. Some are subtle; a guy tells of how the relationship began, and after a period of time, things go sour. Verbal abuse or lying, the sort of thing we hear about from time to time. The stuff we hear from friends going through painful breakups.
The next group are more extreme. Guys who have been physically abused and traumatized by the woman they love. Children are often involved, jobs and reputations are destroyed. They are all unique, but carry certain common threads. When the relationship is done, the man often says he will never allow himself to get close to anyone again. It's trauma, it's PTSD, it's a horrible situation. No one wants to be alone, but now these guys will choose a solitary life just to protect themselves.
One of the major questions is why he stays. When things turn bad, people stay, and they have their reasons. A child, a home, assets, and extended family. You can't blame a victim for their choices. They don't have good choices. And long after the relationship might seem over, and both partners are living separately, the abuse can continue.
I was shocked by some of the stories. I had to step away from the computer for a few minutes. I got on the patch yesterday, and so far so good. I remember my mother when she was working as a grief counselor, or working with abused young women. She took her work home with her. It became an obsession, the desire to help, to fix. She did amazing work with them, like I watch my boss now, doing amazing work with all kinds of people. I couldn't do it. Clinical therapists are strong enough to handle it. What I do as an editor of this book is just to try and represent the stories I see as best I can. These stories are in the guy's own words.
I'm collecting stories. If you have one, I'd love to hear about it. Leave it as a comment here, and your story could wind up in a book that could help thousands. Check in here from time to time. I have put out my feelers, on facebook, craigslist, all kinds of personal contacts. I'm becoming passionate about a subject I never quite understood before. And in these stories, I see my own reflection from time to time. In these guys' lives, I see my own, and it's terrifying.
When a friend is in trouble, we often ask them "Can I do anything?" I'm just glad to have something I can do. My boss and I can create a book.