An email chat with "Lord _____________," after my attempt to join a discussion group for abused Pagans.
I am a Moderator for _____________. Men abused by women are fairly rare in mixed or public support groups, I am 1 of the very few in the group who share that background. I am also a "pastoral counselor" and legal advocate.
Personally I am voting to deny your membership to the group. You have not demonstrated any qualifications of membership.
Bart: Sure, I understand. I really want to remain a member, so I have included my responses below.
I am not a counselor myself, but my employer is a MSW and founder of the Counseling Center of Ann Arbor. His work in the field has been amazing, and I am here representing him, essentially. He is tied up in clinical work, otherwise he would be doing the outreach himself.
Writers and editors cause disruptions in support groups when they have no first hand experience as an effected member. While adamant they are trying to publish a writing to "help" or "educate" they tend to re-victimize the targets of their questions.
I can see how that could happen. I have seen countless other similar projects out there, and I wanted to be different by making a more personal effort to contact people. Many editors or writers might steal blogs or public posts, or exploit their contributors. By joining your group, I am hoping to get to know more men who have suffered abuse, and by personal contact with them, work with them to better represent their stories. Essentially, I am an individual working on a small project. We have already gathered a lot of powerful first-hand accounts. Groups like yours can do a lot of good for a lot of people. If you should take me on as a member, I would continue to handle my project with care and sensitivity, working with your members to generate a powerful document on the subject.
My preference would be to post an announcement of your interest and contact info so volunteers can contact you outside the group, even I would volunteer to communicate with you privately.
I would love that. It's your group, and I don't want to throw off the balance by bringing my project in. I would love to talk more, and if you are willing to be a contributing writer, then I would really enjoy working with you. If I can be a member, then I will be an active one. Not just representing my project, but sharing my own experiences. I am a bit reticent about sharing my own stories, as I want to be sure they can be helpful and appropriate. I am sure in time that I will be able to bring my own insights to the table, and join your community with the same honesty and openness you would expect from anyone. What is unique about my project is that it is both personal and professional for me. I am working as an editor on this project primarily because I have a passion to help my community. I am a writer and artist by training. At various points in my life I considered social work as a profession. My mother was a counselor, and a good one. When I saw how her work was affecting her, I drifted back to the arts. I believe I have the compassion for social work, but maybe I don't have the stomach. I admire what you all do, and I hope that I can do my part to help folks in need.
At this point Lady _________ (Group Founder) has the final say of what happens next with group membership.
Certainly. Please take time to think it all over, and I hope we get a chance to work together. Thanks for taking the time to get back to me and inquire about the project. I have moderated multiple groups online in the past, and I know how important it is to monitor member activities for the overall benefit of the group.
Getting back to the stories themselves, I would love to talk more if you are interested in being a contributing writer on my book. I have been blown away by the stories I have collected, and I know that our readers will be very moved by what they read. And they will be motivated to help others in the same situation. Thanks again, and I hope we can chat some more.
Followup Email:
Barton, you actually made a case against yourself and proved my concerns correct. You have said you do not have an abuse history, are not a counselor, are just the errand boy for a MSW who does not have the time to do his own work (MSW which is a college degree not a licensed counselor by the way), THEN claim to have useful contributions for an entire membership of abuse survivors but you are supposedly only joining to collect material about male abuse survivors. Huh? My wife is red flagging you for a flagrant male privilege foul.
So far you have not yet made an attempt to contact the abuse recovery groups specifically for male survivors that I am part of and/or operate, instead I have only seen you trying to argue your way into a primarily female group by presenting yourself as a editor for book focused on men. Contradiction after contradiction, very much like the abusers that injured our members (of all genders). I do not see any care or sensitivity in your self claims of value without substance, I see a person trying to wedge their way into a community that does not include him while being exactly what that community is trying to get away from... non-consensual intrusion with false promises and under false pretenses.
This is CC'd to Lady ________, I done now that I already have enough of your testimony to sway a court judge (just so happens I am sitting in the chambers of our county judge who orders/presides over Domestic Violence related Orders of Protection).
Bart: This is unbelievable. You're way out of line lumping me in with domestic abusers. To equate what I'm doing with the abusers who hurt your members, that's utter nonsense. You're way out of line. I've joined similar groups as yours, with the simple intention of doing a bit of outreach for my project. Feel free to review my previous emails, and search any of our public material out there. You will find out exactly how wrong you are. I have come at this completely honestly, with full disclosure of my intentions, and you have decided to create a conflict. This is absolutely shocking, and surprising. What, exactly, are your credentials, that you feel justified in making these claims?
Don't want to include me in your extremely small and inactive group? That's fine. That's all you had to say. What you just left me as an email here is complete nonsense, and you have no basis for what you are saying. We'll have no more contact. Don't message me with anything else, or I'll consider it harassment. I repeat: Do not contact me with anything further, or it will be considered harassment. Further contact of any kind will put you in violation of anti-harassment laws in Michigan.
You've got it completely wrong. We're on the same side here, I think. My project deals in justice for men in abusive relationships, which you have even said you are. I'll stay as far away from your forum as I possibly can, because I think you're actually dangerous, making these kind of claims. Are you actually threatening me with the final line of your email? Save your energy. You are hurting your own cause by engaging potential members in these outrageous arguments.
No comments:
Post a Comment