Going to Extremes

There is a masculist movement in the world, which I have become a bit familiar with now. But it's about balance. You can't fight oppression by becoming the new oppressor.

Again, we run up against symbolism, and symbolic statements aren't going to do any good for abuse victims. It isn't any good trying to politicize any individual case of abuse. If an abuse case becomes controversial or complicated, it is tempting to levy a bunch of politics onto it. When a group wants possession of an abuse case, we got trouble.

Male abuse cases are untidy and much of the time, no one is comfortable reaching out to the victims, because to do so means you fall on one side of a political line. If you support a male victim, it is perceived that you have taken sides against the woman in the situation, and thereby, against all women. I'm not saying that everyone in the world thinks this way, but in numerous discussions, it's become a common theme.

Any anti-abuse movement is benevolent at its core. Ideally, anti-abuse movements have no enemies. Who would disagree with the idea? But when you introduce your ideas into the public, lines start to be drawn, and sides are taken.

Men who have been abused by women have certain enemies in this world. And the movement does too. Law enforcement practices. Legal procedures. Political agendas. It is unpopular and shameful to admit you were abused. Humiliating, for men or for women. But the movement will only move forward when you tell your story. There are no court cases, no news stories that will change things. It's you. It's your story.

Before I started this job, I never knew that male rape existed. I never understood how domestic abuse cases have procedural structures that need to change. I thought that justice was served in abuse cases, and I was convinced, before I read the stories, that most men who got abused were very deserving of it. I thought they themselves were the abusers. When we go to extremes and divide ourselves in order to take a strong stance against abuse, we need to eliminate the bias. If we set ourselves against abuse itself, then we can find common ground. If our movement is set against either men or women, then we lose ground. And we'll have a long way to go.