Get Organized

Today I was delighted to see dozens of messages on abused-men's message boards about getting organized, and protesting the unfair treatment of men in the legal system. Yes, men are mistreated by the courts in divorce and domestic violence committed against them. It's an outrage.

But any movement needs to start with leadership. I believe that it's out there. One Yahoo! group has 921 members as of today. That's a movement right there. And there is passion there.

But passion is only one ingredient. An anti-abuse movement will also need a sharp message. I don't believe that any equality can be reached through bashing of either gender. Men's groups that support their members might be more successful than groups formed to knock feminists off of a high-horse.

I have encountered militant feminists before. Separatists who believe that men are not necessary. They openly disregard the entire male gender. I had a women's studies professor who was really off base. I consulted with another friend who taught the same subject, and told her that I had suffered unfair treatment in the class. Which I did. My friend introduced me, at age 19, to a new concept: The New Oppressor.

She said that by forming anti-male ideals, this professor was essentially becoming the New Oppressor. Anyone who is taking up the gender-bashing approach is missing the point. There are always certain individuals who spoil the broth and cloud the issues. A masculist movement will struggle to be heard.

The thing is, we have to figure out what we're fighting for here. We are fighting against abuse. Not against women. Here is where the Women's Movement and the Men's Movement can come together. No one wants to be abused.

Women who commit abuse are not heroic. They are sometimes painted as such. They are justified, it might seem, because they are fighting against a male-dominated culture. But no one should be immune to the law. Assault is illegal. And men are often accused of abuse when they themselves are the ones who have been abused. It is unfair. It is unjust. That is what we are fighting against.

Our enemy then, it would seem, would be the lawmakers, who are predominantly men. We really aren't up against an army of women. The Women's Movement is fighting other battles. Equality. Equal rights. Equal pay. Justice for the abuse that they themselves have suffered. The only equivalent force here is the Women's Anti-Abuse Movement, and surely we can all agree that abuse is wrong.

So it's not really women that anyone is up against. You might be fighting one in court. And that's just one individual. The law is making it hard. And that is what you are up against. So my overall point is that the men's movement, if it hopes to get off the ground, needs to sharpen its message and stop the woman-bashing. There is no feminocracy, or vaginocracy, as one person calls it. Not as long as the inequalities run rampant in the workplace, the military, etc. Feminism has big fish to fry. The male-bashing type of feminists are a force to be reckoned with, for certain. Their anger is fierce, and understandably so. A misogynist has trouble gaining ground. He is in a minority, and he has enemies.

The male anti-abuse movement has no enemies. We seek to give men equal treatment under the law when they have been hurt. We have many people to educate. But we can't do it with hate and sexist remarks. We want to open the door to more communication. And the key is to tell our stories, put a human face on the problems, and get organized around common principles. Don't lose your passion. You will need it for the battle ahead. But focus it where it belongs.